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Jokes
Oct 4, 2008 20:51:00 GMT 8
Post by Administrator on Oct 4, 2008 20:51:00 GMT 8
An Email for Bill Gates from the Indian Customer From : Mr. Suresh Singh of Tamil Nadu, India To: Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some Problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only..
9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?
10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God shake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
11. Why is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS
Regards, Suresh
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Jokes
Oct 4, 2008 20:52:04 GMT 8
Post by Administrator on Oct 4, 2008 20:52:04 GMT 8
Top 10 Ways To Handle Stress 1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says, “Have a nice day,” say you have other plans.
5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
6. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram.
7. Make a list of things to do that you’ve already done.
8. Dance naked in front of your pets.
9. Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing were wrong.
10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman Numerals.
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Jokes
Oct 4, 2008 20:55:41 GMT 8
Post by Administrator on Oct 4, 2008 20:55:41 GMT 8
TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work 10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk. 1. " ...... AMEN!"
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Jokes
Oct 15, 2008 16:46:59 GMT 8
Post by Administrator on Oct 15, 2008 16:46:59 GMT 8
Sunday Morning 11 AM
Sunday morning at 11
In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients were dying in the same bed every Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.
So a world-wide expert team was contaced and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. On the next Sunday morning a few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil.
Just then the clock struck 11…
And then……
Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.
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Jokes
Oct 16, 2008 10:16:28 GMT 8
Post by Administrator on Oct 16, 2008 10:16:28 GMT 8
Ways to annoy people at the movies
Buy a really tall hat (preferably a turban, etc.). Sit in the front row. If someone asks you to take it off, tell them it's against your religion: 3 pts.
Throw popcorn up in the air and yell "It's SNOWING!!": 3 pts.
When someone kisses (on screen or in the theater), point and say "OOOOOHHHHH": 2 pts.
Clap when something bad happens to the main character, boo when something good happens.: 3 pts. 5 pts if you do it throughout the entire movie.
During a really sad scene, start cracking up. During a happy/funny scene start yelling or crying.: 3 pts. 5 pts if you do it throughout the entire movie.
Start coughing very loudly/'choking. Point to/ask for the person-next-to-you's drink. If they offer it to you, drink the rest, including ice cubes. If they refuse to give it to you, stand up and yell "Fine! Let me die!": 4 pts. 5 pts for a really believable coughing/choking scence.
Bring your TV's remote control and attempt to pause, fast-forward, and rewind the movie. During the climax or a really sad/serious scene, crack and start screaming that the d**n thing is broken.: 5 pts.
During a scary movie yell at the screen things such as, "No, don't trust him!", "Watch out!", and "No, DON'T GO IN THE CLOSET!!!!!!": 3 pts. 5 pts for yelling for good things/really small things.
Tap the person next to you and say "It's sure is dark in here." *Wink Wink*... *Wink* (Wink at them).: 3 pts. 5 pts if they are the same sex. 10 pts if they actually go along with it (no backing out).
Preferably during the beginning of the opening stuff start screaming "No, not the voices! Anything but the voices". Also works when you're in a crowd, "An (Earthquake, flood, fire) We're all going to DIE!!!!!" 3 pts. 7 pts if people believe you or try to see if you're okay.
When the last people are entering the theater, stand up and start waving and yelling for them to join you. (They can be strangers or you can get a whole bunch of friends to come in late). 5 pts. 7 pts if you sit in a crowded row. 10 pts if you start screaming at people that they are sitting in your friends seats. 10 pts if you yell to imaginary people. (Only one of the tens counts)
Wear a cape and when they lights dim and a logo comes on the sreen, stand up and yell, "The Bat Signal." 3 pts. 5 pts if you attempt to save someone. 7 pts If you don't know them. 10 pts if they are fat/old.
At a random point during the movie yell, "No I will NOT make out with you!" 3 pts. 5 pts if no one is sitting near you.
Talk and laugh hysterically with your friends. When at least 10 people have shushed you, stand up and yell "Would you people SHUT UP! I'm trying to watch the movie!!" 5 pts.
Try to get as many points as you can...
Perfect Score: 80.
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Jokes
Oct 17, 2008 0:28:57 GMT 8
Post by Administrator on Oct 17, 2008 0:28:57 GMT 8
The Secret to Landing on the Sun
There was a German, an American and a Blonde.
The German said he was the first on Mars.
The American said he was the first on the moon.
The blonde said she would be the first one on the sun. The German and the American laughed. "How are you gonna do that?!" they asked.
The Blond smiled and said "I have a secret... I'll go at night."
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Jokes
Dec 3, 2012 18:31:11 GMT 8
Post by Administrator on Dec 3, 2012 18:31:11 GMT 8
If animals have facebook
If animals have FACEBOOK/ BBM/ WhatsApp, these are most likely to be their Status Updates :
COCKROACH: "Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!"
Dog: "My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??,I don’t even remember"....
Mosquito: "I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking"
Pig: "Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu… WTF!! "
Goat : "Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon" , Chicken: "If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC. XD
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